Online Trauma Bond Therapy in Alberta

A trauma bond can leave you feeling deeply connected to someone, even when the relationship has also caused you significant hurt.

You may recognize yourself in some of these experiences:

• Feeling deeply attached despite repeated hurt or mistreatment
• Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict or withdrawal
• Doubting your own perceptions or wondering whether you are overreacting
• Focusing on the person's good qualities or the relationship's potential
• Feeling responsible for repairing the relationship after conflict
• Experiencing intense relief when the relationship becomes calm or affectionate again
• Repeatedly deciding to leave but finding yourself drawn back
• Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally activated when connection is threatened
• Having difficulty identifying or expressing your own needs and boundaries
• Feeling confused about why it is so difficult to let go

You might find yourself thinking:

“If I could just explain it differently, maybe they would understand.”

“Maybe things really will change this time.”

“Why do I miss them when I know how much this relationship has hurt me?”

You can know the relationship is hurting you and still miss the person. You can see what’s happening and still feel pulled back in. When hurt and connection get mixed together, knowing a relationship is bad for you doesn’t always make the attachment go away.

 It can be hard to leave because you’re not only walking away from the hurt. You’re also walking away from the parts of the relationship you still care about and hope might come back.

You may remember the good times. You may still love the person. You may keep hoping they will change or that things will go back to how they were.

There can also be a lot of back and forth. Things are painful, then they’re good again. You feel close, then pushed away. When the connection comes back, you feel relieved and start hoping again.

So even when you know the relationship is hurting you, part of you can still be waiting for the next good moment.

You might think:

“Maybe this time will be different.”

“Things are good again. Maybe I was overreacting.”

“I know I need to leave, so why do I miss them so much?”

That’s part of what makes a trauma bond so difficult. Knowing a relationship is hurting you and being ready to let go are not always the same thing.

Breaking a trauma bond is not about forcing yourself to stop caring or pretending the relationship did not matter. It starts with understanding the pattern and gradually creating enough clarity to see the relationship as a whole. This can involve recognizing cycles of connection and hurt, trusting your own experiences, separating potential from reality, and reconnecting with your own needs and boundaries.

You might need support in learning how to maintain boundaries, stay grounded, and protect your emotional well being while you explore what is right for you.

We can look at what’s happening for you in moments and where you might feel close to someone and then suddenly feel anxious when something changes. Or, you want to reach out, fix things, explain yourself, or get reassurance.  And when they pull away, it can feel almost impossible not to react.

Over time, you can start to recognize the pattern and have more choice in how you respond.

If you’re hoping to repair a relationship, we can talk about that too. We can look at what you’re experiencing, what you need, and whether the other person is willing to meet you halfway. You can work on your part, but you can’t do the work for someone else.

There might be different parts of you that show up in these situations. The part that wants to fix things. The part that gets scared when someone pulls away. The part that shuts down. And the part that still hopes things will work out.

Those parts aren’t broken, they developed for a reason.

Depending on what you need, we might use EMDR, parts work, attachment focused therapy, or reparenting.  I can work to support you in understanding yourself better, trust yourself, set boundaries, and feel less caught up in the same patterns.